EMDR Therapy for Grief and Loss

Sometimes a loss leaves you with a particular memory, decision, belief, or experience that continues to feel intensely distressing. You may find yourself replaying what happened, questioning whether you did enough, or feeling as though you can no longer trust your own judgment. You may know intellectually that you could not have changed what happened, yet still feel guilty. You may understand that you are safe now, yet no longer feel safe in the world. You may avoid places, conversations, photographs, or memories because they bring the loss rushing back.

EMDR therapy can be helpful when grief becomes tangled with these kinds of distressing experiences.

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and EMDR Certified Therapist in Westminster, Colorado, and I specialize in grief and loss. I offer EMDR for grief in person at my Westminster office and by telehealth, for adults living anywhere in Colorado who want help with the parts of a loss that feel stuck.

Not sure whether EMDR is right for you? Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.

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What Is EMDR Therapy?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a structured form of psychotherapy developed to help people process distressing experiences that remain “stuck,” so that the memory, image, or belief connected to the experience becomes less overwhelming.

When something deeply distressing happens, the experience can stay vivid and emotionally charged, as though it is happening now even when you know it is in the past. In EMDR, you focus briefly on a specific part of the experience while following a form of bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, alternating sounds, alternating tactile or haptic sensations, or alternating taps. This is designed to help your mind and body work through the experience in a way that often reduces its emotional intensity.

EMDR is widely known as a treatment for trauma, but its usefulness is not limited to situations that fit a traditional definition of trauma. In grief therapy, I may use it when a particular aspect of a loss continues to feel overwhelming, disturbing, or unresolved.

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EMDR Does Not Mean Getting Over Your Loss

The purpose of EMDR is not to take away your grief. Grief reflects love, attachment, and the significance of the relationship, and you do not need to stop missing someone in order to heal.

EMDR can instead help with the parts of the experience that create suffering beyond the grief itself. You may continue to miss your loved one deeply while no longer feeling consumed by the belief that you failed them. You may remember the final days of an illness, without the same overwhelming physical reaction. You may feel sadness, while thinking about your loved one without being flooded by guilt.

Healing does not require giving up the relationship you had. It does mean carrying the loss without being overwhelmed by its most painful parts.

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EMDR for Traumatic Loss

Not every loss is traumatic, but some circumstances leave particularly distressing memories, fears, or beliefs that may benefit from EMDR, such as:

• A sudden or unexpected death, or a death from an accident or violence
• Being present when someone died, or finding someone after death
• Witnessing significant suffering or a frightening medical experience
• A prolonged illness, caregiving experience, or difficult medical decisions
• An earlier traumatic experience becoming more distressing after the loss

Sometimes the event itself is not the only issue. A loss can activate earlier experiences, fears, or beliefs that were already present, and EMDR can address whichever experiences are contributing to your distress.

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EMDR for Pet Loss

For many people, a pet is a member of the family and an important part of daily life, and losing one can be devastating. Pet loss can also involve painful decisions, leaving you asking, “Did I make the right decision? Did I wait too long, or do it too soon? Did I do enough?” This can be especially hard when euthanasia was involved, when you witnessed your pet suffering, or when the death was sudden.

EMDR can help with these experiences without minimizing your relationship with your pet. You do not have to choose between healing from the painful parts and continuing to love and remember them.

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EMDR for Anticipatory

Grief and Other Major Losses

Grief does not begin only after a death. If someone you love is seriously ill or nearing the end of life, or your pet is facing a terminal diagnosis, you may already be grieving. This is called anticipatory grief, and it can bring dread, guilt about what you are feeling, intrusive thoughts about the future, and difficult decisions about care.

Major life transitions, such as the end of a relationship, a career change, a move, a health change, or the loss of a role or identity, can also bring grief and leave behind painful memories or beliefs about yourself. When a particular experience connected to one of these losses continues to cause significant distress, EMDR may be one of the approaches we consider. EMDR is one tool among several in my work. I also use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based approaches, and many people begin with resourcing or grief counseling before EMDR is ever part of the picture.

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What Does an EMDR Session Involve?

EMDR is more than eye movements. Before processing begins, we make sure I understand what you are experiencing and that you have appropriate preparation and coping strategies. When we identify something that would benefit from EMDR, we focus on a specific target, such as a distressing memory, an image, or a belief about yourself. During processing, I guide you while you notice what comes up. You do not have to force yourself to think about the experience in any particular way.

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In-Person and Telehealth EMDR

If you live in Westminster or the greater Denver metro area, you can choose in-person sessions at my office or telehealth, whichever suits you. Telehealth can be a good option if getting to an office is difficult or you feel more comfortable at home.

EMDR can be adapted for telehealth. Instead of a light bar or hand movements, we may use self-tapping. Before we begin processing by video, we will make sure you have a private, comfortable space and a plan for staying grounded if something feels intense.

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Common Questions About EMDR for Grief

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What Happens When I Contact You?

You do not need to know in advance whether EMDR is right for you. I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to talk briefly about what brings you to therapy and whether working together appears to be a good fit.

If you schedule an appointment, our first session is focused on understanding your situation: what has happened and how it is affecting you now, what you are struggling with most, relevant history, what you would like to be different, and whether EMDR is appropriate. You do not have to arrive knowing exactly what you need, and you do not have to commit to EMDR before you understand what it involves.

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Do I Need EMDR, and Is It Right for Everyone?

You may not need EMDR at all. Grief does not have to be traumatic to deserve professional support, and sometimes grief counseling without EMDR is the most appropriate approach. You do not need to label your loss as “trauma,” or decide whether it “counts,” before seeking help.

EMDR is also not the right starting point for everyone. Some people need more preparation, stabilization, or support first, particularly when they are overwhelmed, in the middle of a crisis, or not yet able to stay grounded when distressing material comes up. In those situations, we may begin with grief counseling or coping skills and consider EMDR later if it still makes sense.

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Do I Have to Describe My Loss in Detail? Will I Relive It?

No, and no. You do not have to give me a complete or graphic description of what happened. We need enough information to decide what to address, and from there EMDR focuses on specific memories, images, thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, or beliefs. You remain in control of what you share.

You may notice memories or strong emotions as we work, but you are in the present, in the therapy room or on your screen. You are not actually back in the hospital, at the accident, or at the veterinary clinic. I will help you stay oriented to the present, and you can ask to slow down, pause, or stop at any point. There is no benefit to pushing you beyond what you can manage.

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How Many EMDR Sessions Will I Need?

There is no predetermined number. It depends on your circumstances: one particularly distressing experience may need very different work than multiple losses, previous trauma, a prolonged illness, or longstanding guilt and self-blame. Some sessions focus on understanding your grief and preparing for EMDR, and others on processing specific experiences. We regularly check in on what is changing and what still hurts.

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What Can I Expect Between Sessions?

In the hours or days after processing, some people feel tired, emotional, or more sensitive than usual. Others notice vivid dreams, new memories, or new insights, and many feel relief. These reactions are common and usually temporary, and we will talk about what to expect, how to take care of yourself, and when to reach out to me between sessions.

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What Does the Research Say About EMDR?

EMDR is an established, researched treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Research suggests EMDR can also help when a death is sudden, violent, or leaves behind intrusive guilt or flash-like memories. That is one reason I use EMDR thoughtfully, when a specific distressing experience is keeping you stuck, rather than as a one-size-fits-all approach to grief. I cannot promise a particular outcome, but I will explain what we are doing and adjust our approach as we learn what helps you.

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What Are Your Fees? Do You Take Insurance?

My practice is a private-pay practice, and I do not take insurance. This allows me to focus on the care you need rather than on what an insurance company requires. Current fees, session lengths, and payment details are on my Fees and Payment page.